7 Dating Tips For A Successful Relationship On The Autistic Spectrum

  1. A great relationship should expand your mind and help you see the world with a new curiosity and this is unavoidable if your relationship is with someone who is on the spectrum. Prepare for a wonderful adventure discovering the world all over again through the eyes of someone you love.
  2. Prepare to be the first to admit youre wrong and say sorry after an argument because this is a lot easier to do if you’re not on the spectrum. If tempers are running high an autistic mind can sometimes become locked into a repeating thought cycle. This though cycle can often be broken by presenting a conclusion to the disagreement in the form of an apology. This new development to the disagreement allows them to consider what they can apologise for.
  3. Respecting alone times and personal space can be very important for someone on the spectrum. Imagine that that they need a quiet space to recharge their battery after a challenging day socialising or having their routines broken.
  4. If you explain something they don’t understand taking the time to explain further and help them understand what you mean can stop them feeling left out or ignored.
  5. Try to always be aware that our natural way of making sense of the world around us can be very different and require a lot of patients from both of you in order to understand how the other thinks.
  6. Communicate mostly face to face or over the phone. Tone of voice and body language play a huge part in our understanding. Texting can be a minefield for misinterpretation.
  7. Love with anyone, whether they are on the spectrum or not requires an open mind and a little flexibility so don’t ever feel burdened by their condition.

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2 thoughts on “7 Dating Tips For A Successful Relationship On The Autistic Spectrum”

  1. Some really helpful tips here.

    As someone with autism, I’ve always struggled inside relationships, and following these tips would help someone who is neurotypical cope with the challenges of being with someone who is on the spectrum.

    There are a few things I’d add too, based on my personal experience of being in a relationship with someone who i ended up hurting a great deal by being very vengeful towards them.

    The first is that my autism drives obsessive behaviours, so of which were very harmful towards my parntner and I found that I had no control over my very harmful actions – No matter how damaging my actions were I just couldnt stop even when I had achived my revenge I would still go at him. And the second is that even knowing all of these things, autism is a hidden disability and one moment your autistic partner may appear to be relaxed and openminded, and the next moment an autistic trait will flare up unexpectedly, driving my vengful onsessive behaviour, and that ‘split personality’ can be really scary and in my case dangerous.

    My last partner, who I loved (never uncondionally though), understood all of your tips – but sadly my obsessive behaviour (i was trying to help him with an addiction) totally destoryed his life to the point where he lost his home and relasionship with his family, because he could never do exactly what I wanted him to do. I had autism tunnel vision and it was hard on him, because I was so single minded and focused on ‘fixing’ him but I ended up destroying him entirely. I thought I was helping by making him do what I thought was best all the time. i took it too far, and he lost everything. I still think that he is to blame even though everything that has harmed him recently is down to me. I was trying to help him reach the best outcome to help him recover but didnt notice how close I came to driving him to scidide.

    Dating someone with autism is hard, but it’s also hard on the person with autism, seeing people they love being unintentionally hurt and craving forgiveness for that. But I also believe that my autistic traits could be a force for good. I think I’d make a great parent because my children would be my obsession. I am also a very loyal and honest person. I keep my promises and try to not let people down. But I also can see that my love could almost squeeze the life out of someone. I think it will take my ex parntner many years to gain back all the things I took from him. I drove a wedge between him and his mother and I think that will be the hardest thing for him to gain back. I hacked his paypal account and paid myself every penny I could get, maxing out his overdraft so he wouldnt be able to support himself finacially. I told myself that I was doing this for his own good but I think I enjopyed having the power to change his life in anyway I wanted

    So I do understand why he cant be in my life anymore. I don’t blame anyone for giving up, but I wish they could experience what it’s like to live inside my brain, then they would know my actions don’t want to just hurt or control. I wanted to do what I knew to be best for them.

    Most of all, be prepared to forgive behaviour you may not understand. Ask your autistic partner why they did certain things and try to put yourself in their mind. If you can do that, the relationship has a real chance of success. I am unsure which of my actions are to do with autism and which ones are just a part of my personality,

    1. It sounds like you would benefit from experiencing a releasing of control. No matter how powerful you feel the urge to do what you think is best, try instead to allow for someone else to influence an alternative outcome. Even if you strongly disagree with this alternative outcome. The greatest love you can show someone, where it’s possible to inspire them to see things from your perspective; is when you lead by example with no demands, threats, guilt or any pressure at all. Just a message in the form of a action, that they can witness and become curious of, maybe even inspire by. Force of any kind, no matter how good you think it is for that person always has adverse effects. It’s far more loving to allow someone to make a mistake and be there to help pick up the pieces than it is to take away all their freedom to protect them from ever making a mistake.

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